This time

Dear secret crush,

I write this to let you know that this will be the last dedication to you on my blog.

Too long have I crushed on you, but with no result.

It's been a while that I've liked you now, and it's about time for me to let go of this unrequited love.

I'll admit, I'm writing this for myself as much as it is for you to read. Consider this a summary of some sort.

I've always watched out for when you need my help, and most of the time, I've been there for you as much as possible. A few times, you even came to me for help. I think it was somewhere along those lines that I started to have feelings for you. I don't know why; but I think it's because I got to see the vulnerable side of you, which hardly anyone ever let's anyone else see.

I'm sure I've dropped subtle hints here and there before, but never once did I get a response.

That's what cut me the most, the fact that I recieved no clues as to whether you would reject or reciprocate the feelings I had for you.

But in the end, I suppose it's my fault for not having the courage to step up to the plate and just admit those feelings in front of your face.

Anyway, I can't take having to feel unloved by you anymore.

Thank god uni is starting soon. I wish you the best in uni and a successful life in the years to come.

With love,

Cheng.

P.S. I just want you to know that I'll be thinking of you when I see the full moon over the next two nights. I think that'll be the last time.

It's a Beat Down

okay... I've pretty much gotten over the shock of the car accident now...

Sucks that I don't have a car to drive for the next week =/

Although, I kind of had a bad feeling on Sunday night anyway...

Turns out that bad feeling was right... I managed to crash the car on my way home...

Sigh...

Just had to add insult to injury...

Tough week, topped with a car crash.

I think I'll be scarred by it for life, but then again, what's a psychologist student without a bit of crazy?

Anyway.

To Whom It May Concern

I'm getting tired.

I give up.

Here, I'm actually thinking "I fucking give up." but it's too late in the night, and I've already had this brain process before, so I can't be bothered backing it to such a strong extent.

On her, that is.

Can not be bothered. Where's the happiness in trying when it's all being sucked into the black hole that currently resides in my heart?

Uni. Please come quicker.

Gotta Stop

Dying... [echo]

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edit (10 minutes later)

yep. Things really aren't going my way.

Oh well. Can't complain anymore, have to get ready for work.

Quieten Down

Mmhh... my mood is crashing, cos my body is too...

So tired, and another day of work tomorrow...

Sigh...

But recently... things really haven't gone my way. Talk about shit luck.

Or maybe I'm just too...

I don't know.

Anyway, bit of good news is that I got an offer at USyd for double degree BScience/BArts.

Pretty cool.

Means I might be able to see her some days...

Depends on my timetable.

Utter fail on my part of keeping myself out of trouble. Yes, I deem myself in trouble, on the fault of myself.

Mentally, Emotionally, Physically. Everything's dragging me down.

Not Psyched Up About This

yeah, okay.. I'm really tired. Just from having to work, and no social interaction.

Yeah, I meant physically tired, too.

Suppose tomorrow will help. Hopefully.

Quickly, I'm learning to love again.

Scrubs... FTMFW

So, these last couple of days I've been catching up on a LOT of Scrubs.

And I've eaten quite a bit too, moreso than I have this past month...

Anyway.

Dad's flying on Sunday, so that leaves me with a car to drive around for... 12 days, since he's coming back on the 29th.

Except for the fact, that I have to work mostly everyday. Other than Tuesdays (mum's going in)... And Sunday arvos, which is when it's closed.

So, going out or hanging out with friends will have to fall on those two occasions.

Which sucks, because Peter's 19th dinner is on THIS Sunday night. Meaning I can't go. Yes, I was actually looking forward to hanging out with Peter on his birthday.

Other than those above-mentioned pettinesses, everything else in my life is... in check.

I mean, I've been better. I can see myself in a better situation. But I'm quite content as it is at the moment. I think mostly my poems will reflect how I feel on those days, unless I bunch a heap together to write in one day.

It's Hot.... Gotta love Summer...

Really, really nothing to say. Nothing new and exciting.

Sure, there's the norm: work, eat, sleep, stare at the computer all day etc etc.

But you all already know that.

Well, I'll be getting a new phone soon. But then again, another piece of technology that's bound to be broken in my hands...

So. Anyone up for brightening my contemporary dismal life?

Still

It's hard to breathe when we're apart,
You're like sunshine in my heart,
I keep you here inside.

Shit

I just realised I'm five days behind on my poems... technically three, because I have two already written up and waiting to be typed, but still... I'm going to fall behind pretty badly...

NEED TO WRITE!

Stop it, brain.

Okay, I've not been blogging recently because I've had to spend most of my brain juices on writing poems... I'm still behind, but I'll catch up soon..

There's really not much for me to blog about... Nothing interesting in my life... Just mainly at home, and at work... sigh...

Need to get out...

Hmm, I want to see Sherlock Holmes... But don't know when...

and Wicked too!

Both should be pretty good...

Hopefully I can see Wicked before my dad goes back to Hong Kong, so that I actually have time to go, seeing as I'll have to work when my dad's gone, and I'll be in Hong Kong afterwards too... unless I can get tickets for when I come back...

But I have to go to a wedding sometime after I come back... not quite sure of the date, suppose that's not good to forget something like that...

Anyway... Can someone ring me sometime for us to hang out?? I'm bored shitless.......

I Don't Care.

I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't care.
I can't care.
I can't care.
I can't care.
I shouldn't care.
I shouldn't care.
I shouldn't care.
Stop caring.
Stop caring.
Stop caring.
Stop thinking.
Stop thinking.
Stop thinking.

Meh...

2010 - Poem #1 [A Collective]

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This is a record breaker. It's the most boring New Year's celebration I've ever had. That I remember.

It's bad enough that I'm spending the first hour of it in front of the computer. Fuckin' Ace.

Where has all the joy in my life disappeared to? When I actually didn't care about not having a girlfriend? When I wasn't so worried about everything else and every other little thing? When I enjoyed working...

Yay to 2010.

I'm seriously just waiting for Uni to start now. A fresh breeze in my life, that will be.