A Beat

*sigh*

Seems like I'll have to cut my recuperation period short; going out to Karaoke next week with my cousins, meaning I'll have to sing... ah well..

Actually, about that...

During this period of silence, everytime I've thought about wanting to sing, I get a knot in my throat... I mean, is it really that important to me?

I suppose, in a sense it is. So I guess, then I should pull it together and work on it, take it past my natural environment.

Well... by next week, it will already be 3 weeks. It is kind of killing me... So the reversion back to before will be welcome.

Mumblings

I don't know. I honestly don't.

About anything, that is.

I haven't much to offer, not that I ever did.

Bit of a pointless blog, really.

And I find that I post lyrics (on whichever site of mine is most convenient, Tumblr being the latest one) whenver I'm feeling either extremity of happiness or sadness. In the context of being smitten with a certain person.

And then other times I'm just like 'bleh'.

I tend to find that these days, I do give a fuck. About anything, and generally everything. I used to be able to not give a fuck. I wish I could go back to that, I emoted more back then, and mostly on the positive side, being happy.

Shit, need to get out... Expand my horizons.

There may be a time when I stop feeling, and when that time comes, I hope everyone, and especially you, knows that I have never stopped loving them, or stopped caring for them through all of the shit that we've been through together.

Don't underestimate the mind's ability to build defences. I'm almost fully frozen already.

Clamour

Yeah, not singing is actually a lot harder than it seems. It's only been three days, and it's just really, really hard.

I've managed to catch myself only just start to sing and stop once so far, don't know how long I can hold it.

And on top of that, everytime I'm about to speak, it seems like I shouldn't anyway. It feels as if everytime I use my voice I shouldn't be.

It's hard, but I will endure it.

I'm going to focus more of my attention back to music now; practice piano and guitar more.

Apart from that, I wait, once again.

Sealed.

I've decided to stop singing for a month. Except for birthday songs. But that's it. Need to rest it, let it develop, yada yada yada, etc etc.

Amnesia

I forgotten how to be happy. How does it feel like, to light up when you see someone? To feel joy and nothing else at the thought of someone?

I've forgotten how to show it anymore. I can feign surprise, but that's the extent of it.

Background

Sleep is my only release. If my worries creep into my sleeping time, I have no idea what else to do. I'd be fucked.

Such a shitty last couple of days. May or may not blog about it tomorrow. For now, I attempt to alleviate myself from this harsh reality by sleeping.