Even the Best Fall Down Sometimes

-- "Collide", Howie Day

Why am I blogging?

Because last night, I struck myself with the sudden need to blog, but couldn't do so, because my phone was not functioning properly. Safari broke =( so I couldn't blog off my phone.

Nothing profound in this blog. I've found that Philosophy is taking up most of my profound thought time, therefore, I have no need to think deeply about any certain topic.

I tend to think too much, but that's a totally different matter altogether. Back to the problem at hand.

I'm regressing. Slowly. Not surely though. I'm coming through with my own solution. It's just taking a bit of time. A bit of a long time. The better half of the fucking semester, I have to say.

So maybe this remission will take me all the way back to the start. Maybe it won't.

I hope for the former.

The only way I've stayed sane enough these past few days is by looking at that photo I have as my phone wallpaper. Knew it was my good luck charm. =)

"I just can't stop loving you." -- Michael Jackson.

But I want to.
Dear whomsoever this is addressed to, I don't know if you still read anymore. I don't want an answer either, please. You'll just give me hope. I don't want that. I don't want to be hung onto every word of yours anymore.
Why does it happen like this every single time? We talk, we chat, we have heart to hearts. And then not long after, I start falling for you again. I can't stand it everytime, because I know there's no chance at all that you'd like me in that way. So I stop talking to you.
And then I get down about myself. Get all depressed, close myself off to the world. Cry at night sometimes.
And it's like you understand this or something, and you don't even take the initiative to try to talk to me, and just leave me alone to mill over every failed chance. That actually hurts the most. The fact that you don't bother talking to me, like we'd have no connection at all unless I look for you.
And maybe a month later, I tell myself that I'm over you. And I believe myself intensely. So I test the waters, talk to you a bit again. It's fine. Until you reach out for me because you want someone to talk to. And boom, the cycle repeats again.
I can stand it for the first two months, but after that, I just can't stop myself from liking you.
It's been two years since this has started. I can't keep doing this to myself, and you need to let me know so too.
"If you love me, let me know. If not, please gently let me go." -- Unknown

God. I hate myself so much right now. Please, I don't want any comments. Just let me deal with this myself.